I wanted to send out some sort of holiday greeting, but it is so difficult in today's world to know exactly what to say without offending someone. So I met with our solicitor, and on her advice (and after $$$ in consultation fees and numerous drafts) I wish to say the following:
Please accept with no obligation implied or implicit my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the season solstice holiday practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.
I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2011 but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make my country great (not to imply that my country is necessarily greater than any other country) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or gender preference of the wishee.
By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:
• This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal.
• It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting.
• It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher.
These wishes are warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting whichever comes first and warranty is limited to replacement of these wishes or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher....